meta
by calmfacade
Summary: Twilight tells the princess about authors.


Princess Celestia sat in her Study, quietly sipping tea with her sister, both bedecked in rather ludricous tophats and golden monocles, muttering things like "hmmmm yes...quite" and "Jolly good" between sips.

Suddenly in burst Celestia's top student, who ripped their tophats and monocles off and slapped them out of their trance. "Princesses stop this! You're being controlled!" She shouted before continuing to slap them back to sanity.

After what seemed like hours of discipline, as twilight only used backhoof strikes, they awoke from their trances.

"Urrrghhh..." Muttered Celestia, laying on the ground in a puddle of lukewarm tea and gaudy trottingham style. "wh..Whar Happnned?" She sllured out. Only to be hit with a wave of cold water, fully snapping her awake. "TWILIGHT WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!" She sputtered in between spitting out muzzlefulls of water. Twilight didn't wait to reply, instead opting to repeat the process with her sister. Only once they both regained coherence did she deign to explain herself.

"Princess you were being controlled by some force from outside this plane of existance!" She exclaimed. They both spent a few moments gawking at her before bursting out into laughing fits, their sides gaining stiches as they laughed at the ludicrous statement. Before steadilly slowly their respective fits down.

"But twilight dost thou have any proof for thine claim?" Asked Luna, being the first to calm down.

"Yes, i have a scrying spell that'll allow you to peek into their twisted world!" She shouted in an exhilrated cry, prepred to show her teacher something she had never seen before, needless to say she loved being able to teach her mentor once. As the screen flickered to life among small burst of loud static they managed to glimpse a small white-washed room containg a bed with a creature of undiscribable uglyness rested, It's mane was a horribly messy dark color, and it's face, althought most likely having been white, was bedecked with small flecks of red ugly skin, mottling it's visage and rendering it beyond tolerable, All three cringed at it. Then, as they saw it striking it's appendages down on what appeared to be two tablets made of a black material, hewn together by some means, they noticed that their names came up quite often in it. And, looking coser they saw it was detailing what had just happened, minus the Part where Twilight burst in and stopped them.

"OH MY GOD HE WANTED US TO DO WHAT!" The princesses expclaimed as they saw the turgid writings on this unstable beast, both about to lose their stomachs at acts neither of them would willingly commit.

"Wait... when didst we have a maid!" Asked Luna, upon seeing the monster type it up. "Selene? that ist a stupid name" She further intoned, "Why not name our maid, if it's going to write us as having one, something beffiting Her station and clever. It's obvious that her name ist just a different way for the stupid beast to say 'moon', as if thats the most creative idea ever."Luna bitterly exclaimed, knowing that if this creature wrote it, it could very well happen.

"And why would i go to a pub and drink?" Asked Celestia. "First of all i kicked my drinking habits almost 400 years ago. And second off, the royal colon... what is that! What even is that!

"And even worse, why would i set you up on a dating game?" Drat, she internal monologued, now that plans scrapped...

"I think we need to take out this creature..." The lavender mare in between the two softly stated, shocking the two mares. This was not lke her...was she under the posession of the mysterious scribe on the other side of the screen?

Celestia's ponderings were swept away as she heard a loud slapping noise from her sister and Twilight, the latter of whom now was sprawled on the ground, appearing quite dazed as her body did a quick damage control. Once that was over they noticed her returning to normal, having been under the control of the beast.

"Celestia im scared!" She shouted, completely out of character as she broke her life long streak of using her title. Celestia ignored it however, reasoning that given enough sress anypony could snap and break out of their usual mindset. Or was it that foul demon? Oh god, was she being controlled right now? Was she simply thinking this because the author was typing it in somewhere?

Or even worse. what if the being on the other side was being controlled by another being, somewhere even more beyond the veil? What if this was one big story that was written by one author but spiraled into more stories as it progressed? There could be a thousand different authors writing millions upon millions of stories! Maybe one where a Character created by those foul demons would wind up dating One of her student's friends! Or even worse, one where her sister got pregnant from some created Alicorn that shouldn't exist and married her?

She shuddered, they needed to stop these beast before they started! She quickly bent down and told her sister and student to grab her horn, before flying to ponyville in a rainbow hued-trail of energy,bathing equestria in a rather beautiful and serene multicolored glow. But she hadn't the time to admire it, rather she burst through the serene countryside, flying over beautific expanses of vales and valleys before arriving in the small village her student lived in. As she landed with a rather loud noise accompanied by the creation of a small dent in the earth where she landed all of the rather bustling, if quaint, village lay their eyes on her. She chuckled slightly, before the mob came at them. Before the two groups met however a rather bright burst of light blinded the mob, and as they shielded their eyes the godesses and Twilight teleported to safety at suger-cube corner. When they looked around the pink bakery full of sweets to find their pink friend they noticed not one, but all five of them sitting down at a small table.

"Hi princesses i had a feeling you'd show up, i mean today is the day where we all have an existencial crisis after twilgith shows us all what a human is and they we all realise that we have no free will but thats okay because even if we dont have any free will we can still have quite a lot of fun with whateevr these things have us do because there all rather good with coming up with ideas. Well for the most part, i mean the one writing this story is most likely a giant recluse with little to no friends, kind of like you before coming to ponyville twilight, except for the fact that he probably failed school quite a couple times whereas that's something you'd never do, i mean c'mon you're twilight sparkle! You'd never willingly fail any class whatsoever!" Pinkie said all in one continous breath.

Twilight filed away, 'one breath, endless sentances' into her pinkie-pie mystery cabinent in her head, deciding she'd figure it out later, if ever. "Pinke do you still have that portal you made?" Twilight asked.

She was quite relieved when her friend nodded her head with twice the speed of a hummingbird before leaping in the air and disappearing in a bright pink poof of smoke, and a few tons of confetti. All of then excluding Twilight rolled their eyes, not even bothering to question how she did anything anymore. They waited a few minutes awkwardly glancing around the confectionary shop whilst they waited for their pink host to return with the portal.

"So...hast thou read any good books recently sister?" Luna asked, if for no other reason then to break the silence.

"Oh...oh, why yes i have. It's series where a king dies in a land called Eastori, then after she dies, all her friends and enemies fight over the throne." She explained the basic premise, only Twilight and Luna were paying attention however, knowing the value of a good read. She had to cut the synopsis short however as their friend returned with a small hoof shaped metal device device, from which glowed a subtle comination of blue and orange light.

"I call it, the 'PSHPD'" she explained to all their inquisitve glances at the small gray device. She ignored all their clamor for any explanation as to what 'PSHPD' meant, as she fired it at a wall and tore a hole through space and time to another realm.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Earth~~~

"SO...yeah...I'm writing...a...fic...about...ponies" The creature muttered to itself as it typed on it's device, talking to a friend through the power of a system known as 'steam'. It only glanced up as it heard a shattering sound as a portion of a wall in the chamber it resided in imploded into a blueish elipse, through which stepped a coloful assortment of small equines. "Dude...ponies..broke...into...my...house" He muttered, between strokes on the object it held. Before turning to his arrivals.

"Oh may gawd, you ponies are like, my freaking heroes!" It shouted, before rising and jumping on the hoof of princess Celestia. Who glanced around awkwardly as the creature cuddled up to her leg and denied her attempts to shake it off.

"Uhmmm...hello..." She started, glancing around the room for any hint of how to talk to this creature. To no avail, all around it's room were empty cans that had a strange symbol on it, three green claw marks trailing down the cans parallel to eachother. In fact the more she glanced around the more she noticed the mess. Everywhere she looked were empty yellow bags with orange crumbs in them, those cans, and several of the creatures skins were sitting in a corner with flies buzzing around them, each a different color then the last. Some even having patterns to them, all, however, which disgusted rarity. Most disturbing however was the multitude of chromatic pony figureens it had laying around, all covered in orange dust and smelling like they had been touched by the same mouth that emptied all the cans, their hair in a terribly matted disarray.

"Do me a favor!" the creature asked from her fetlocks, "Can you say, 'are you a bitch that likes bananas!'" It asked.

Celestia glanced around once again, they were afraid of this mewling pathetic creature? Well this was a waste of time. "Are you a bitch that likes bananas?" she flatly said, just to appease this moronic creature. It' giggled and hugged even closer causing the princess no lack of discomfort.

Everybodies' attention was taken by pinkie however when she burst into tears at the joke, her being the only one to understand. "HAHAHAHAHA THAT NEVER GETS OLD!" she exclaimed. Tears trailing down her cheeks from the sheer joy she somehow found in that unfunny saying.

The group, sans Celestia, began to step back towards their entry point, trying to escape the obviously demented, if harmless creature. And were shocked still when they heard a small 'bring' from the devce the creature had been holding, accomponied by a small yellow flashing. "Yay he replied!" the being shouted, running back to the slab it had been laying on.

It started stroking the object agan as it muttered what it wanted to send to the other creature it was communicating with. Once the message was delivered the demented creature asked them if they wanted to see what a 'TF2' was... They promptly ran out of the room and never looked back, deeming the creature too much hassle to deal with.

The being smirked, and put a fixture with two glass lenses on it's head, before smoothing back it's messy, dark hair and typing to his comrade.

"This is just the beginning, soon we shall command all of Equestria..."

The creature pulled open it's document to see exactly what it had typed had come true, "with this power we can control and entire world!" It cackled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Somewhere in the Universe ~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Creature smiled, it had made the smaller beings believe they had free will...yes...yes this was going exactly as planned...

today, Equestria...tomorrow this world!

It was good being an author...


End file.
